Don’t ruin, Destroy and Lose a Good Friendship and Relationship.
Forgiveness is the divine path to freedom, peace of mind, happiness and progress. Forgiveness blesses the forgiver and the one being forgiven. Forgiveness clears, unclogs and removes the muck of bad feelings, enmity and tension that are blocking up the channels of friendliness, love, harmony and peace.
Forgiveness frees the forgiver from feelings and thoughts of anger, irritation, revenge, hurtfulness and it removes the heavy load or burden of awkwardness and indifference. When we forgive others we release them from the heavy weight, unease and pain of a bad conscience, and we release them from the grasp of the ‘ghost’ of ill feelings and regret so that they can [with greater ease and freedom] make forward progress again.
Forgiveness establishes harmony and feelings of amity. This is what forgiveness is and what it does. Having said this let us be clear, direct, honest and realistic. The heart can forgive completely but the mind will always remember and recall the harm, deception and hurtfulness inflicted by another. Just because we have honestly and wholeheartedly forgiven someone that does not mean that trust and confidence has been restored. Just because someone has sincerely forgiven us that does not mean that trust and confidence has been restored. Trust and confidence will have to be earned again, that is if it can be restored [recovered] at all!
Just because we have forgiven someone that does not mean that we have to have anything to do with that person again. Forgiveness is about gaining and giving release from past wrongs, ill feelings, pained and agitated emotions, and offenses so that both parties can go on with their lives. Sometimes the relationship can be saved and restored and sometimes it simply cannot be even though sincere and wholehearted forgiveness has been given.
Your forgiveness to another does not mean that that person now has the right and expectation to relate to you like if nothing happened! You do not have to interact with that person at all.
Just because someone has sincerely forgiven you that does not mean that you have the right and expectation to think that that person will continue to relate and correspond with you like if nothing happened!
Forgiveness is about freeing oneself from weight and burden of past wrongs and about healing ones own heart and mind. Forgiveness is about freeing others from the weight and burden of past wrongs and about bringing healing to their hearts and minds. Only Olódùmarè and accomplished holy, mature and virtuous people can completely and deeply both forgive and forget from the heart and mind. You cannot realistically expect this high level of forgiveness from the everyday common person.
In addition for another person to be eligible to be forgiven by you they have to have a genuine change of heart and life and must ask you for your forgiveness. You cannot really forgive them without their request in the abstract, or in their absence because such a forgiveness is not entirely real or complete. Such a kind of forgiveness might give some small sentimental or mental satisfaction or relief, but it is nonsensical because it is not complete. You cannot expect others to forgive you in the abstract or in the absence of your sincere request for forgiveness.
So if you have forgiven another that does not make everything okay like if nothing happened, and you do not have to have anything to do with that person again. If someone has forgiven you that does not make everything okay and that does not mean that everything is like it was before. They no longer have to have anything to do with you.
This is what forgiveness is and what it is not.
It is better and ideal to not offend, deceive or hurt another to begin with so as to avoid the loss of trust and friendship. Do not hurt others and do not allow others to hurt you. If you offend, deceive and hurt another then be prepared to forever lose what good have been a good, lasting and meaningful friendship and relationship. Forgiveness does not guarantee that things will be or can be as they were before. Live and relate to others in such a way that you have no regrets and that you will not require the forgiveness of another.
May the blessings of Òrúnmìlà Awinrin be with all sincere readers [students] of this message. Àse.
~ Awo Òrúnmìlà Mark Casillas /!!!\ A.O.M.C. /!!!\